santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   They are making us take down American Flags off Bridges, Fire Trucks all across America! Watch, The National Christmas Tree is next, because it offends some people! Take back our Country before it's too Late!

   He's making a list,, and checking it 42 times,,, then washing his hands 11x,, and finally touching the sleigh 3x for good measure...: OCD Santa

   Halloween = Candy, Thanksgiving = Food, Christmas = Gifts, New Years = Drinks, Valentines = Sex, Birthdays = ALL OF THE ABOVE

   My parents accused me of being a liar today! All I said was ''Santa Claus'' ''Easter Bunny'' '' Tooth Fairy'' and walked away. Shut them Up!!!

   Can't believe it's almost Christmas in July

   Do dyslexic devil worshipers sell their soul to Santa?

   Im Always Tree Shoppin Like Its Christmas

   I hope you were all good little boys and girls and Betsy Ross brought you all presents. Happy Flag Day to us all.

   Autocorrect me if I'm Rung,,, but there's no Tim like the presents

   I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings

   If you don't enjoy scaring dogs by talking through a cardboard wrapping paper tube, don't bother stopping by my house on Christmas morning.

   Jingle bells, my foot smells, I pulled it from your ass. Get a beer and bring it here then pour it in a glass. - My Christmas song.

   Todays a perfect day to walk down the street dressed as Santa Clause while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, sobbing & yelling  "You guys forgot about me!"

   One of the best holidays...comes tomorrow when candy is 50% off!

   ChrEasters people who only go to church on Christmas & Easter

   I am Happy my kids are older now. But I do miss running around all night in the Pink Bunny Suit from the Christmas Story on Easter Eve.

   I couldn't believe it when my wife announced she was leaving me for being too lazy. Especially after I'd spent all morning taking the Christmas decorations down.....

   Aside from Christmas, Easter is the best day to have Alzheimer's! You can hide your own eggs!

   my friend saif "I don't give a sh*t about Christmas, Easter and New Years", but I do give a sh*t...So he is going to be very surprised by the type of Easter Egg I give him tomorrow. It's cheaper than chocolate anyway!

   3-pack condoms are ideal for married couples: Birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.