Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   been getting a lot of calls and texts about R.E.M.'s break up, relax people, it's not the end of the world as we know it.

   The life was much easier when Blackberry and Apple were just fruits..

   Lets this be a warning...to all the kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, faster than my gun

   There is nothing better than waking up to morning sex, unless you wake up in prison.

   Don't you hate when you're driving and smell oil or a hot radiator and then automatically assume it's "your" car.

   Wikipedia: I know everything! Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody Internet: Without me you are nothing Electricity: Keep talking!

   shocked to hear that R.E.M. just broke up, No wait, I was shocked to hear that they were still together to be able to break up. 

   Dear Mark Zuckerberg... We left Myspace because Facebook was simple, not all flashy, & it was always changing crap... FYI... Your running a close race now... Leave an option for us to keep it simple... Thanks...

   In the game of life, if you're keeping score you're not "winning".

   If you hear a thud don't worry , it's just me dancing naked on your roof .

   I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure

   God grant me the serenity to accept the things Facebook changes, the courage to change the settings I can, and the wisdom to know it won't make a difference.

   I'm so starved for entertainment I'm thinking about putting a rubber band around my own kitchen sink sprayer....

   you can t make sense out of nonsense!

   used to be indecive but now she's not so sure

   Man, I could go for some mechanically separated chicken right about now.

   : "Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, Lyin-az, Cheating-az, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, Goodfornothing-az, Lazy-az, & especially his third cou

   everyone needs to stop freacking out every time facebook makes a change. its facebook. you'll be ok 

   When someone complains about facebook making changes, what they really mean is, "I just barely learned how to turn on my computer this year."

   Making love is like making pancakes. When done on one side, flip over to finish.