Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm going back to the social network I enjoyed as a kid. It was called "outside".

   was in a public toilet at the home depot and suddenly had an urge to confess my sins ... but the guy in the next stall wouldn't quit laughing.... how inconsiderate....

   If You Use Pinesol in A Pine Forest Is It Unscented?

   Dear Facebook: I'm appalled that the free service that I am in no way obligated to use keeps making changes that mildly inconvenience me :)

   Everytime I enter a porta potty I feel like I have to confess my sins..

   didnt Mark Zuckerberg learn anything from Tom Anderson? the changes to myspace is what killed it

   I think facebook is a teenager...its going through alot of changes lately

   going to Facebook's HQ to do a cmmd + Z....be back in a sec

   Sorry - But I am already married...but thnx for the offer;)

   I hate you. I only do you because I have to. Plus, you smell funny. Anybody else hate doing the laundry?

   Just Saw A Baby Wearing A Shirt That Says, "Not Everything Stays In Vegas."....

   Your so fat you look like you deep fry your hands before you bite your finger nails LoL

   the Facebook redesign isn't nearly as bad as when Facebook redesigned all the hot girls from my high school into middle aged over weight fatties.

   Bees are a good example of Karma; once they sting someone… they die

   Guy asked girl "Does the carpet match the drapes?" she says, "Nope, hardwood floors"

   been getting a lot of calls and texts about R.E.M.'s break up, relax people, it's not the end of the world as we know it.

   The life was much easier when Blackberry and Apple were just fruits..

   Lets this be a warning...to all the kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, faster than my gun

   There is nothing better than waking up to morning sex, unless you wake up in prison.

   Don't you hate when you're driving and smell oil or a hot radiator and then automatically assume it's "your" car.