Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...

   My friend said to quit hitting him. I told him those were fighting words!

   Liking your own status is like high-five-ing yourself in public

   FB jackings just another fantasy by the annonymous

   There are so many absurdities, contradictions & cruelties in the Bible that it's impossible for it to have been inspired by any supernatural being. It's poorly written. A better job could be done by a group of linguists, philosophers & Pastafarians.

   such a drunk I just took the Wine out of Amys house.

   My solution to world hunger: Tell em to order Dominoes Pizza.....they can't possibly get in 30 minutes so it would all be free.

   everyone is so eager to get some prison tattoos but nobody is eager to go to prison...

   I've always wanted to place a personal ad no one would answer: "Elderly, depressed, accident-prone junkie, likes Canadian food and Welsh music, seeking rich, well-built, oversexed, female deaf mute in her late teens. Must be nonsmoker."

   find the gay person: ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ ☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺ can't do it can you? it's cause their humans too.. stop hating, you look pathetic

   Found some chips in the bag of air I just bought!

   I hate it when people get distracted while they are talking...oooh, look, a butterfly

   Ladies keep saying "Save the TaTa's" as their Breast Cancer Awareness slogan. I will do my part then ladies so text me a pic of those tittays and I will save them to my phone!

   Good things come to those who wait. Well.. except for the people on death row.

   what if all we had tommarow was what we gave thanks to god for today?

   I don't regret my past I just regret the time I've wasted with the wrong people!

   It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Guys, do your part to make sure that cancer doesn't steal second base.

   Its Funny How Sitting "Boy Girl Boy Girl" Used To Be a Punishment.

   Google is only 12 years old and knows even more than me.

   If I want to be part of your religion I would be the one to go to your church by myself. It doesn't bother if someone come to knock at my door, is the annoying way to try to change my believes that bothers me.