Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.

   Why I don't like people: 1%: Logical reason. 99%: I just don't.

   No, mom. Being on twitter, facebook and youtube all at the same time is NOT called "doing nothing". It's called multitasking

   Look to the left. Now look to the right. Guess what? I just virtually slapped you :)

   Moammar Gadhafi shades for sale........ replaced the lens where the bullet went through

   BBC News: Gaddafi 'launching cluster bombs'. Rebel forces to retaliate with Honey nut missile.

   When someone ends their posts with "just sayin" I would love to smack the sh!t out of them and poke their eyeballs out with an ice pick....other than that I am having a great day!!

   Gadaffi will take many secrets to his grave: dirt he had on Bush; dirt he had on Blair, but also how to spell his name correctly.....

   Its a pity Gadhafi died without revealing' where he bought all those cool sunglasses....smh

   "When you put a Sea-shell up to your ear, you can hear the ocean" ..... Duh! Hey Dumb a$$, why don't you drop the shell that you just picked up off the beach and turn around? *tada* there's the ocean......Shhhhhhhh.......now listen.

   Guys you ever look down at the urinal and think “Oh man I am huge!!” Then realize you have your reading glasses on? Me neither.

   For Halloween I'm going as laundry, women love doing laundry.

   My wife texted me something about a colonel being dead. I already sent a condolence letter to KFC.

   Dating Rule #7: When on a first date a gentleman always lets his lady have the Burger King crown...Cuz it will make her feel special....

   Bye Bye Moammar!.....Hussein☑ Bin Laden ☑ Ghadafi ☑ Nancy Pelosi ☐ ツ

   RIP Khaddafi. Also, RIP Qaddafi. And let us not forget: RIP Ghaddafi. And just to be safe, RIP Caddaphee.

   Mmmk....can we please have cheaper gasoline now that Ghaddafi is dead?

   TWILIGHT - Breaking Dawn Part 1: how can a guy that is basically dead get a woman pregnant? when he turned into a vampire shouldn't his sperm turn to dust like Hugh Hefner?

   It's the postproduction phase of eating fast food that takes the expierience all downhill.

   Remember these 3 words and you'll always have money: Stick-em-up!