Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4404 of 6447

Everybody deserves someone who'll make them look forward to tomorrow than make them dread tomorrow.
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10-22-2011 03:03
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Seems kinda strange we couldn't get even one post mortem pic of Bin Laden but nobody seems to mind Gadhafi showing up at back yard picnics and local supermarket meat freezers like he's starring in the sequel to "A Weekend At Bernie's".....Go figure!

On his girlfriend's birthday, a guy took her to the car sale. Pointing at a tomato red BMW, he says, "Happy birthday honey! You see that red car? I bought you nail polish in the same colour”.

Why do men chose to mess with a lot of mediocre women when they can have ONE great one? I guess Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) excite them.

[Dear Teen/Young Adult/Rapper Who Sags Their Pants]: Do you even know the origin of that fashion statement?
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10-22-2011 01:05 by Danmanz
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So Mr. Camping, I guess the end of the world does not occur during Eastern Standard time. What time zone is it supposed to occur in?
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10-22-2011 00:55
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They got chicken-flavored doggy treats..ok...how does a dog know what a chicken is? He might like it if you give it to him, but he's not gonna say "Oh good I was hoping we was gonna have chicken again"
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10-22-2011 00:52 by Danmanz
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You're so creative taking pictures of your face in 11 different angles with your phone. How do you do it??
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10-22-2011 00:32 by Danmanz
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Who cares about threats over the internet. You can't be a bada*s with a keyboard. Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win you're still retarded.
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10-22-2011 00:26 by Danmanz
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FUNNY T-SHIRT IDEA: "I survived another Harold Camping rapture prediction".
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10-22-2011 00:07 by Timber
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When you have a " ■ " in the beginning of your status.... You're automatically an idiot..
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10-21-2011 23:39
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You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges

My wife came home with a v!brator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!" But guess who had to put the batteries in?
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10-21-2011 21:52
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"I would of still be in High School if Google didn't exitst"
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10-21-2011 20:56 by BEGO
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I like, likeing the quotes everybody hates:)
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10-21-2011 20:56 by nick
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■When you take an amazing picture you automatically think: “That will be my new profile picture”.
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10-21-2011 20:29 by BEGO
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■The day Facebook adds a “Who cares?” button would be the best day ever.
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10-21-2011 20:28 by BEGO
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■Nothing is forever. Especially people. Don't have your hopes high, Friends become strangers, Lovers become friends, & People leave.
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10-21-2011 20:27 by BEGO
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Announcing that you need to pee just because it feels necessary.

Lets run away together ... LOL, jk I have asthma!