Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ambulances & Fire Trucks would be more effective if they played "Move B*ich Get Out The Way" by Ludacris instead of a siren!

   Well, I'd like to help… but not as much as I'd like not to

   Me? Stalk? Nah, I just observe... behind a tree... at night..in the rain

   Dear children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________

   i try not to act suspicious when passing police even though I'm innocent O.o

   "Don't Be Smart With Me!".... Okay Mom,.... i'll just be dumb. Sounds great

   Lost your pen = no pen. No pen = no notes. No notes = no study. No study = fail. Fail = no diploma. So NEVER, EVER lose your pen

   That depressing moment when your parents don't appreciate the hilarious child they have been blessed with :P

   You can't be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn't work that way. You're already hard to want..." -Peter Griffin

   Spongebob: hey can I talk with you for a second? Squidward: I dont know thats a pretty long time

   "Are you as bored as I am?" Read that backwards, it still makes sense.

   Guilty people answer questions with a question

   I'm not shy, I'm holding back my awesomeness, so I don't intimidate you ;P

   My life will not be complete until I've walked away from an explosion in slow motion

   You can't face the problem, if the problem is your face.

   I shall open my own deli and my slogan will be: "No one beats my meat!"

   Thank you exes I am the way I am because of u

   A new drug has been developed for lesbi@ns with depression. It's called "Trycoxagain"

   Mexican Word for the day is : CHICKEN ....Usage: "My wife wanted me to go to the store for her, but chicken go herself!"