Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:19 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Planking epidemic is getting way out of hand my neighbor the old lady next door been laying outside for 2 days now.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:17 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:13 by sean Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really tend to have less tolerance of ugly people.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:13 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house?
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:13 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not one to brag about my Press exposure but yes, it's true what they're saying in my local paper. I am selling my couch
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:12 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon just wanted to bring this story to your attension meet lawn chair larry who attached baloons to his lawn chair and went up to 16,000 feet with a 6 pack of miller lite a pellet gun and some sandwitches where he flew around on his lawn chair for 14 hours lm
←Rate | 11-01-2011 16:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love deer season, Especially when I am driving alone in my Blazer , it's amazing how fast I purposely turn into a Comacazi pilot when I see a deer in the middle of the road-
←Rate | 11-01-2011 15:27 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm at the point today that I'm willing to pee my pants if that means I can go home early.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Excited about the post-Halloween sales on candy and razor blades
←Rate | 11-01-2011 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women that have strong handshakes kind of freak me out
←Rate | 11-01-2011 14:15 by @BoyGotJokes Comments (0)  


   messageicon They should put a busy/engaged signal on the chat thingy so people can know I am already chatting to 10 other people.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 14:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most Fairy Tales begin with, "Once Upon a Time...” but mine starts with, "You ain't gonna believe this sh!t...”
←Rate | 11-01-2011 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes that OJ would have caught my ex wife eating Nicoles beaver instead of Ron Goldman
←Rate | 11-01-2011 13:14 by kingsportvol Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter
←Rate | 11-01-2011 12:48 by David Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when you friend request a hot chick, then they add you and you're going thru their pics only to find out they look like Rosie O'Donnell at 75 years old coming off a thirty day drinking binge.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 11:56 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Running around the office naked with the cat
←Rate | 11-01-2011 11:49 by Game Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it's your birthday in November, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 10:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I had a deity co-pilot. I don't even have an emergency contact.
←Rate | 11-01-2011 10:25 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dressed up as a gynecologist for halloween. I was Dr. Howie Feltercooch
←Rate | 11-01-2011 10:22 Comments (0)  




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