Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4300 of 6387
Do I look like Christopher Columbus? Am I guiding a ship to a new land? So, when I ask for directions, please don't use words like "East."
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11-01-2011 16:19 by SEAN
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This Planking epidemic is getting way out of hand my neighbor the old lady next door been laying outside for 2 days now.
Speaking from experience, No More Tears shampoo does not work as advertised if you drop the bottle on a baby's face.
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11-01-2011 16:13 by sean
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I really tend to have less tolerance of ugly people.
What was longer.... Kim Kardashian's marriage or theTrick-or-Treat line outside of Casey Anthony's house?
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11-01-2011 16:13 by SEAN
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I'm not one to brag about my Press exposure but yes, it's true what they're saying in my local paper. I am selling my couch
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11-01-2011 16:12 by SEAN
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just wanted to bring this story to your attension meet lawn chair larry who attached baloons to his lawn chair and went up to 16,000 feet with a 6 pack of miller lite a pellet gun and some sandwitches where he flew around on his lawn chair for 14 hours lm
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11-01-2011 16:11
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I love deer season, Especially when I am driving alone in my Blazer , it's amazing how fast I purposely turn into a Comacazi pilot when I see a deer in the middle of the road-
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11-01-2011 15:27 by SEAN
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I'm at the point today that I'm willing to pee my pants if that means I can go home early.
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11-01-2011 14:54
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Excited about the post-Halloween sales on candy and razor blades
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11-01-2011 14:16
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Women that have strong handshakes kind of freak me out
They should put a busy/engaged signal on the chat thingy so people can know I am already chatting to 10 other people.
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11-01-2011 14:10
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Most Fairy Tales begin with, "Once Upon a Time...” but mine starts with, "You ain't gonna believe this sh!t...”
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11-01-2011 13:37
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wishes that OJ would have caught my ex wife eating Nicoles beaver instead of Ron Goldman
My girlfriend just told me she was going to break up with me if I didn't quit making Linkin Park references. but in the end it doesn't even matter
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11-01-2011 12:48 by David
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I hate when you friend request a hot chick, then they add you and you're going thru their pics only to find out they look like Rosie O'Donnell at 75 years old coming off a thirty day drinking binge.
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11-01-2011 11:56 by Mick F
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Running around the office naked with the cat
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11-01-2011 11:49 by Game
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If it's your birthday in November, then you know your parents really enjoyed Valentine's Day.
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11-01-2011 10:41
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I wish I had a deity co-pilot. I don't even have an emergency contact.
I dressed up as a gynecologist for halloween. I was Dr. Howie Feltercooch
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11-01-2011 10:22
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