santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa, Do not eat any cookies from Colorado and Washington this year.. May cause drowsiness.

   It's not officially the holiday season until I've ignored a Salvation Army Santa.

   Dear Santa, I plead the fifth! No wait... I drank it!!

   Sorry, parents of ugly children on Facebook, those Christmas sweaters didn't help; just made them uglier in a festive way.

   I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, The FedEx guy, and the Walmart greeter... C'MON MOM, KNOCK IT OFF! ツ

   Dear Santa, is it too late to be good?

   Last year, I got socks for Christmas. The year before, I got a couple of sacks. And before that, a sax. For pity's sake, Santa, you blind old jerk, it's sex. S-E-X.

   Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.

   What happens on Santa's lap.......stays on Santa's lap.

   Excuse me, Santa, but I still haven't received the first "ho" you promised me.

   On the 12th day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me- 12 people I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 holiday pet pictures, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 p

   Hey teenage girls, Santa saw your facebook. Now you're only getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.

   The real magic of Christmas is how quickly money vanishes from my wallet.

   Santa is really going to love the cookies he gets from Colorado and Washington this year..

   Tampon makers have announced that they will be replacing their tampon string with tinsel. They'll only be available for the Christmas period.

   Santa's reindeer, Donder? Didn't know that, though it was Donner

   Even before my very first birthday I was able to sense it was Christmastime. No...it wasn't Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, Nativity scenes, or a Christmas Tree. It was 'cause my mom put eggnog in my bottle.

   All I want for Christmas is you.... to get run over by a reindeer!!!

   I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard ;)

   I think there should be a special place in hell for whoever invented those strings of Christmas lights that wont work at all or blink half assed because one damn bulb is blown!