Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The way I see it...if that Snooki character can be perceived as hot, we ALL have a shot at the same distorted perception.

   I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!

   Winners never quit! Quitters never win! But those that never win and never quit are idiots!

   Dear Vampires and Werwolves ..if your looking for virgins just go to your local cinema today for a Twilight showing and you'll have plenty to choose from.

   I hate it when Facebook doesn't trust me when sending out a friend request.

   If you're gonna have raw sex with the person you love so much, at least do it wearing the safest thing...A WEDDING RING!

   I'm not saying this plane is small & rickety but I'm pretty sure the crossword puzzle was filled out by the Big Bopper.

   I am not sarcastic – I am hilarious. I am not annoying – I am just cooler than you. I am not a jerk – I just don't like you.

   Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.

   I will be thankful if whoever came up with this retarded "thankful" movement on facebook gets hit by a bus.

   looks like we have a 7-year old on the loose today posting all kinds of outdated and b0ring sh!t.

   You must have been born on a highway because that's where most accidents happen.

   I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office.

   Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

   You remind me of my chinese friend... Ugg-lee

   She got her looks from her mother.....she was a plastic surgeon

   Okay, enough already! We get it, you like to post music from you tube of your favorite band. But that doesn't mean every song!!

   Has that kid in the Dreamworks logo even caught a single fish yet?

   Facebook is great for reminding me why I lost touch with certain people in the first place.

   Getting a lot of nice things said to me lately. I don't believe a word of it.