Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4248 of 6446

Call me crazy but I think Herman Cain could still win this thing if everyone he groped votes for him...

I DO WHAT I WANT! WHEN I WANT! WHERE I WANT!...... if Mom says its ok...

floods, check...earthquake, check...hurricane...check, Locusts..where are those damn locusts?
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11-29-2011 16:45
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Hey,,Just started reading "The Chubby Checker Story". No spoilers please,,,,,,, apparently there's a twist.
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11-29-2011 16:29 by snotty
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Billy Joel's "In the Middle of the Night" had to be inspired by a 3am piss.

Are you leaning on your left elbow?
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11-29-2011 16:03 by SylviaJem
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I WASNT GOOD IN MATH BUT WHEN IT COMES TO SEX I'm ALL ABOUT ANGLES

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
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11-29-2011 15:41 by Elf
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"I'm easy to get along with, just agree with me".
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11-29-2011 15:29
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I bought my girlfriend a 10lb bag of future diamonds for Christmas...Thank you Kingsford!

I actually did see mommy kissing Santa Claus. At the mall. I was 8. My dad was pissed.

I've learned a lot from women...Especially how to get out of a speeding ticket..Like crying for instance... It just doesnt work for women... Totally freaks the pol!ce out seein a man cry
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11-29-2011 14:18 by Seanathon
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Don't You know what they say about Martini's?....Martini's are like T!tt!es.. 1's not enough and 3 too many!
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11-29-2011 14:12 by Seanathon
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Honestly officer, it's not my fault... Jesus took the wheel...
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11-29-2011 14:03 by Mike M
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R.I.P. Patrice O'Neal... Dead at 41 but lived life in the Funny Lane.
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11-29-2011 13:58
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Occupy North Pole, because Santa loves the rich kids more.........
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11-29-2011 13:57 by sully
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Bradley Cooper is has been chosen as this year's Sexiest Man Alive. Maybe next year I'll make it out of the final round...
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11-29-2011 13:49
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ever take a dump so big your pants fit better when you were done!

Charlie Sheen is visiting Colombia and for the first time ever the country is in fear of running out of cocaine!!
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11-29-2011 13:46
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Be on the lookout for the latest wave of terrorists to enter the USA: M'Balz Es-Hari.....Graabir Boubi....Hous Bin Pharteen...and the most dangerous of the four, I-Zheet M'Draurz.
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11-29-2011 13:38 by MTQ
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