Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4157 of 6452

Sometimes you have to hurt someone's feelings just to let them understand how it felt when they hurt yours.

Who really has nothing but socks in their sock drawer?
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12-23-2011 01:28 by fefe
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It really sucked having to waddle across the room to get a fresh roll of toilet paper with my pants around my ankles......and I don't think the shoppers at Target were very happy about it either!

Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
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12-23-2011 00:57 by Will
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4 hours and 59 minutes ago I took a 5 Hour Energy shot, so these are my final words as an energetic man. It was fun while it lasted.
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12-23-2011 00:37
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I got my drug dealer $200 for Christmas and he got me a big bag of weed.
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12-23-2011 00:34
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Fringe benefits??? And all these years i've been going around like a moron saying "French Benefits"...

For christmas I bought my girlfriend a treadmill and a Victoria's Secret catalogue.
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12-23-2011 00:26
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America has just created a new missle called the "Civil Servant." It can't be fired and doesnt work.

Harrison Ford is a quarter Jew .NOT TOO SHABBYY!!
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12-23-2011 00:04
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White Parent: “you embarrassed your family for fighting at school!” Black Parent “Who won?”
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12-22-2011 23:55 by fadolo
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If all the good ones are taken does that make me bad cause I'm single...lol

broke my personal record for not dying today

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, F*ck Kwanzaa.

Investigate your friends before they investigate you, because some of them work with your enemy's..
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12-22-2011 22:38 by BEGO
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I hate long distance relationships , the fridge is so far from my bed
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12-22-2011 22:29 by BEGO
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Make a wish, and only you know it. Make a mistake, and everyone knows it.
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12-22-2011 22:28 by BEGO
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The weather man (drug dealer) says I can have a white Christmas (cocaine) with plenty of trees (weed) and now I'm happy (broke)
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12-22-2011 21:30 by fadolo
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GF: Babe what are you doing?? BF:Nothing much, really tired just going to sleep now hunny and you sweetheart ? GF:In the club standing right behind you
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12-22-2011 19:39 by g0re
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People think i'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a f*ck what they're talking about.
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12-22-2011 19:36 by g0re
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