Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4151 of 6452

I may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am everyone's great big bag of weed when they come home for the holidays.

Christmas and St. Paddy's Day are the busy season for midgets.

As a kid, did you ever see Santa claw himself down the chimney and make fun of your pyjamas? My shrink claims it never happened!

Today on Maury! Joseph was engaged to Mary-then learned she's pregnant! You won't BELIEVE who she says the Baby Daddy is!
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12-24-2011 05:18 by flinnie
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I just hung a stocking by my chimney but instead of using "care" I hung it with total disregard for human safety.
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12-24-2011 05:15 by flinnie
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I never realized how easily I bruise until I played Angry Birds with the sound on around other people.
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12-24-2011 05:13 by flinnie
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My New Year's Resolution, like always, will be to avoid a unicorn herd attack. I have a good feeling 2012 will be the year.
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12-24-2011 05:12 by flinnie
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You should appreciate my sacrasm, if I told you the truth it would be a HUGE blow to your self esteem.
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12-24-2011 04:27
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Dec 24th , Christmas Eve , the most exciting day of the year no matter how old you are .......
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12-24-2011 03:34
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If you want rant and rave go elsewhere, this is for funny material... or I'll hold you down and fart in your mouth.
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12-24-2011 00:36 by RomeoThom
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Today, my mother commented "loser" on my Facebook profile picture. She got 41 likes.
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12-23-2011 22:37 by BEGO
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Today, I heard someone calling my name. It was my neighbor. Turns out they named their dogs after my mother, my sister and me.
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12-23-2011 22:36 by BEGO
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Flip a coin. Heads I get tail, tails I get head.

My computer asks "Delete cookies?" Cookie Monster pounds on my door, shouting, "NOOOO! KEEP COOKIES!"
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12-23-2011 21:44 by Aaron
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"On a scale of 1-100 how immature are you?" "69"
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12-23-2011 21:17 by g0re
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I used to play sports. Then I realised you can buy trophies.. Now I am good at everything.
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12-23-2011 21:15 by g0re
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Why no one ever pick Santa, or elves, or reindeers as a school's mascot? "Let's go Santa, Let's GO!"
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12-23-2011 20:25
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santa has to be the greatest criminal ever...a million cases of breaking & entering...the police everywhere know where he lives but he knows how to buy everyone of them off with gifts
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12-23-2011 20:24 by Eddy
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This status contains no juice.
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12-23-2011 19:11 by Mahdi H
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Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better About downloading music off the internet.
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12-23-2011 18:59 by Mdo
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