Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Chris Brown and I have a completely opposite understanding of the phrase, "I'd hit that!"

   It seems there are more men who know how to harm a girl than those who know how to charm a girl.

   If you can steal her heart... Try not to let her know that you did it... A good thief will never leave a trace of the crime...

   Bad credit but still has money = Black Jew

   I have to get out of the car... but I like this song.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.

   Steal her heart not just once, but each and every day of her life!

   Im alittle experimental tonight and I tell ya, I tried on a Trojan Magnum...its really hard to breathe in those things.

   2012....I'm leaving some people in 2011

   They always seem to want you back the minute they see you being happy with someone else.

   To any girl who calls herself a Barbie: FYI, real men don't play with barbies.

   hors d'oevures now there is a word that snooty people like to use regularly, most of us just say "snacks" and we survive the holidays just fine.

   Settling in for the night with a glass of orange juice and the Dukes of Hazzard.

   I look forward everyday to extending my streak of never watching a single minute of "The View"!

   Expecting the world to treat you fairly cuz you r a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because ur a vegetarian

   For Sale: 1 Heart. Horrible condition. I don't care what you do with it, just rip it out of my chest and take away this pain.

   Integrity is knowing that just because you can do something, it doesn't always mean that you should...

   one word answers are the nice way of saying "f*ck you and this conversation"...

   Romantic films are known to ruin relationships as they give unrealistic expectations to women about what to expect from men. Porn has the same effect on men.

   Some people don't poop, crap just comes out of their mouth 24/7.