Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   One good thing about Alzheimer's is you meet new people every day.

   Dear recent college graduates, We like to play hard-to-get. Sincerely, jobs.

   Once, in 1998, I read a website's terms and conditions page.

   I hope Keith Richards isn't an organ donor.

   Unlike 'the others', I have 27 cats for normal reasons.

   No matter what age a man is, there is something about cleavage that is just hypnotic.

   I bet crocodiles are pissed off that "crocs" no longer stands for "gigantic vicious reptiles," but now means "gay shoe."

   iPhone > Android > Nokia > Land phone > Typewriter > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note tap > Blackberry

   Women are cool until they start loving you. That's when all the drama starts.

   Everybody talks about my drinking but nobody talks about my thirst!

   CLEAN YOUR!̸̶͚͖͖̩̻̩̗͍̮̙̈͊͛̈͒̍̐ͣͩ̋ͨ̓̊̌̈̊́̚͝͠ͅ ̷̧̢̛͖̤̟̺̫̗͚̗͖ͪ̏̔̔̒́ͥ̓ͫ̀ͤ̇ͥ͝ ̡̊͛̇ ͫ̉ͦ̊̀̔ͧͮ͆̽ͦͩ͋̌͗̚̚҉̵͖̟ SCREEN :P

   My mind likes to mess with me just before sleeping. Last night I wondered what if dolls contained lost souls. Sitting there, watching, waiting, thinking....Dolls

   (╮°-°)╮┳━┳ " make me a Sandwich!" .. Girlfriend : ( -.-) "HELL NO!" ... (╯°□°)╯ ┻━┻ "THE HELL YOU SAY?!?"

   You have the right to remain stupid anything you say or do can and will be ignored.

   I'm tired of chasing my dreams...gonna jus ask them where they're going and meet them there later.

   Aahhh, 2012 is here. This year, I will try to look on the bright side of things, to see the positive in all situations, to see my RED SOLO CUP half full :)

   Beer before liquor, never sicker. Toothpaste before orange juice, dead.

   I'm trying to go back to my original shape. 7 lbs. 9oz..

   NICE GILL MORGAN... WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT.

   Tonight I have a date with my Ego.