Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 4133 of 6395

   messageicon I need audio of crickets chirping on my phone so I can play after someone I don't like says a bad joke.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 21:45 by Lauren Moro Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time magazine named "protestors" as people of the year. Here's an idea for the Ass bags at Time. If you want to honor a group of people, how about the members of Seal Team Six!!!!!
←Rate | 12-15-2011 20:46 by migasjoe Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you invite a girl over to "watch a movie" and actually watch a movie, you're a failure as a man.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 19:38 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: "Can we have Up Dog for dinner?" Mom: "What is up dog?" Me: "nothin just chilling
←Rate | 12-15-2011 19:31 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 19:20 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bob Barker turned 88 this week , what did he get for his birthday? " A NEW CAR !!!"
←Rate | 12-15-2011 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best way to get high for free is to tell potheads you've never smoked before.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 19:15 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 18:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder what I'm thinking right now...hummm?
←Rate | 12-15-2011 18:36 by @kraziedavid909 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im 98% black the other 2% is milk.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 18:33 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 17:51 by jitney Comments (0)  


   messageicon "im gonna have to steal this" my number one "compliment"
←Rate | 12-15-2011 17:33 by L Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 16:42 by jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shutting the door to force your pet into spending time with you.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 16:30 by fadolo Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first rule of ADHD club..WOAH, POPTART! KITTY CAT!.. I want Mexican food... How's everyone doing today?
←Rate | 12-15-2011 16:24 by Bricktop Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...
←Rate | 12-15-2011 15:44 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image
←Rate | 12-15-2011 15:30 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see London. I see France. I see the Human Resources Office because I made an inappropriate observation.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 15:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 15:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, I was framed!
←Rate | 12-15-2011 15:13 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left