Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4133 of 6395
I need audio of crickets chirping on my phone so I can play after someone I don't like says a bad joke.
Time magazine named "protestors" as people of the year. Here's an idea for the Ass bags at Time. If you want to honor a group of people, how about the members of Seal Team Six!!!!!
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12-15-2011 20:46 by migasjoe
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If you invite a girl over to "watch a movie" and actually watch a movie, you're a failure as a man.
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12-15-2011 19:38 by fadolo
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Me: "Can we have Up Dog for dinner?" Mom: "What is up dog?" Me: "nothin just chilling
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12-15-2011 19:31 by fadolo
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My math teacher staples Burger King applications on failed tests.
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12-15-2011 19:20 by g0re
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Bob Barker turned 88 this week , what did he get for his birthday? " A NEW CAR !!!"
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12-15-2011 19:19
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The best way to get high for free is to tell potheads you've never smoked before.
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12-15-2011 19:15 by fadolo
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A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
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12-15-2011 18:51
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I wonder what I'm thinking right now...hummm?
Im 98% black the other 2% is milk.
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12-15-2011 18:33 by L
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I never even saw what we were running from...... She finally stop to catch her breath, so I tried to asked her what we was running from?......She yelled and took off running again, so I did too.
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12-15-2011 17:51 by jitney
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"im gonna have to steal this" my number one "compliment"
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12-15-2011 17:33 by L
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Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.
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12-15-2011 16:42 by jeff
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Shutting the door to force your pet into spending time with you.
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12-15-2011 16:30 by fadolo
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The first rule of ADHD club..WOAH, POPTART! KITTY CAT!.. I want Mexican food... How's everyone doing today?
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12-15-2011 16:24 by Bricktop
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I guess I'm still butt-hurt over that bad call back in '83 during a game of dodgeball. That fricken Jenny Harden was out by a mile...
"I'll get you, gadget. Next time." --Dr. Claw, window shopping at the sharper image
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12-15-2011 15:30 by flinnie
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I see London. I see France. I see the Human Resources Office because I made an inappropriate observation.
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12-15-2011 15:27 by flinnie
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Alfalfa was the Depression era Justin Bieber.
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12-15-2011 15:26 by flinnie
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Dear Santa, I was framed!
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12-15-2011 15:13
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