Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   uncertain of what the etiquette is here, I got Kim Jong Il's name in Secret Santa.

   I take the cat approach to things now. When people that I don't like pass by, I just hiss at them.

   I found out today that Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and is planning to go back to using her real name, "Danny DeVito"

   I used to like Kim Kardashian...until she became a publicity squealin boar. Now I just think she's had her 15 minutes and really needs to stop selling photos and stupid stories to magazines. You lost me at "I'm so annoyed...!!!"

   ✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Osama Bin Ladden ✔ Moammar Gadhafi ✔Kim Jong IL ❒ Fidel Castro ❒ Hugo Chavez ❒ Justin Beiber

   Relax guys, I'm pretty sure Kim Jong died a long time ago when he jumped off the Empire State Building.

   Team America World Police is officially a period piece.

   Kim "Chinky Chang Small Wang Jong" is dead :D

   Night night Kim Jong Il you little Chinky B*stard

   Never apologize for expressing how you feel, Its like saying you're sorry for being real

   Decided this year I'm replacing the milk and cookies tradition with manly reach around. Just to see if that would get SANTA'S attention.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean,, now a dell is rolling in the deep.

   How was it possible that the three bears had porridge all at different temperatures? Someone is lying.

   It's so annoying when I'm about to take a great photo and somebody calls my camera.

   All of the food in my fridge is on my to-poo list.

   You know why cowboys wear big buckles? It's a tombstone for a dead prick !

   Theres no manly way to say.. "Honey can you pass me my Girl Scout Cookies?"

   I went to google and type in "let it snow" and snow started falling. So I typed "let it rain" and the strippers started falling to the floor.

   I am sad to report, that counting down very quickly does NOT speed up the microwave.

   Santa is that a toy in your bag or are you just happy to se me..