Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Those Who Live Simply Sleep Peacefully

   We are not Chemicals.. So We can think before Reacting.

   If you cant be a highway then just be a trail.... If you cant be the sun be a star... It isn't by size that you win or you fail... Be the best of whatever you are.

   Money is not Everything... There's also Visa and MasterCard.

   The only time a girl should Kneel down for a guy, is the day she ties her son's shoe-laces.

   Big Girls don't cry...(They eat)

   If you are not Happy being Single, You will never be Happy in a relationship.

   I will stop Loving you, when an Apple fruit grows on a mango tree, on the 30th Day of February ♥

   I wonder who's forehead would win in a head-butting contest between Tyra & Rihanna?

   Dear ex, can you please return my dignity I left at your place but you can keep my Nickelback Cd collection.

   you never see the chihuahua in the Taco Bell commercials anymore...makes me wonder what's in those 99 cent burritos

   I missed my ex today so I reloaded & shot again

   Dear old love: I used to fantasize about you dying so that I could be single again. I'm so glad I decided to leave you instead of waiting for you to die.

   If you play a Nickleback song backwards you will hear Satanic messages, even worse, if you play it forward you'll hear Nickleback

   I just finished washing a load of paper plates if anyone's wondering about my bank account balance.

   there a way to write a Yelp review for one of my girlfriend's farts?

   Maybe if the Spaniards hadn't wiped them all out, the Mayans would have completed their f*cking calendar!

   I wonder how great philosophers would have felt to see their great knowledge being quoted on Facebook because someone thinks it applies to their baby daddy's issues........hhmmmm

   I tend to say " I don't know" when i'm too lazy to speak.

   I hate when I'm about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror. :/