Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear haters, I couldn`t help but notice that "awesoME" ends with "me" and "Ugly" starts with "U".

   Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back...

   A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already

   I must need glasses because everywhere I look, people seem to have two faces!

   What Woodstock 1969 tought us is that life isn`t about waiting for the storm to pass, it`s about learning to dance in the rain...

   Some women should realize that they've lost the moon while trying to count the stars…

   If you don`t like something, change it. If you can`t change it, change your attitude. Don`t complain...

   Friend: "Your phone`s ringing." Me: "Yeah, phones do that..."

   Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.

   why is Betty White singing at halftime of the Super Bowl??

   Wondering if I can purchase "I'm Sixty and I know it" by LMFAO & Madonna on ITunes.

   If anybody slips and falls down at mid field in the second half I'm blaming the sweat that dripped from Madonna's vag.

   I had no idea Joan Rivers could sing!"

   NFL: "Madonna's message of 'world peace' does not reflect the views of the National Football League"

   I never knew Will Ferrell had so much talent....good job on the tight rope!

   atleast there wasn't a wardrobe malfunction."

   1million bucks from the new fantasy game doesn't go far. gas alone gonna take half when you buy any car.

   that snow I see on the field? No, I guess it's just Madonna's skin cells.

   Gonna rename my ipod to "Madonna is Lip" so when I hook it up to my computer it will say "Madonna is Lip Syncing

   Dear Audi, your commercial sucked more than the vampires in it!