Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   3-way stops make me think that one of the stops doesn't really want to do it, but wants to make the others happy.

   It doesn't matter what your conversation candy hearts say, as long as you remembered to soak them overnight in Rohypnol.

   Hallmark, I'll go 50/50 on this card with you: "Moisten your inbox, baby; this Valentine's coming in hard."

   If we never covered up our genitals, they'd never smell. Happy Valentines Day!

   Great! My girlfriend's period just came. My bloody Valentine.

   roses are red violets are blue.....and since I'm single my balls will be too

   roses are red, violets are blue, vodka is cheaper then dinner for two

   You should make her feel like everyday is Valentine's day : )

   Michael jackson died 1day before the BET AWARDS....Amy Whinehouse died 1day before the VMA'S and whitney houston died 1day before the GRAMMYs...so are we Expected to expect more pre award and post award deaths?!

   Roses are red. Rotting flesh is green. When the dead start to rise, I want you on my team!!!!

   I think I owe my right hand a Valentines Day card!

   Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2!

   greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!

   Just had my Valentine's day card off Moonpig... She hates it when I call her that.

   That uneasy momen when your one night stand thinks otherwise and is anticipating you to change your relationship status.

   sending cards to random people today saying "I'm going to f*** you so bad"...They're not going to know if I'm horny of mafia type!

   got a call from Cupid asking me where I'd like him to fire his arrow on my date tonight! I said nowhere as I can't afford her to deflate!

   and on a positive note today is Taco Tuesday!!

   I think I owe my vibrator a Valentines Day card.

   flagging your girlfriend offside when she leaves the kitchen. a typical valentines day procedure.