Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When dogs sniff and pee on a tree, that's like their facebook.

   You fall, you rise, you make mistakes, you learn, you've been hurt, but you're alive. You're not perfect, you're human.

   Hood word of the day:TIED Usage: I'm not going out tonight bruh, I'm tied as hell

   Only half an hour to Republic day. Hope you all are photoshopping your DP with the tricolor background already.

   Tragedy strikes Honah Lee. Puff the Magic Dragon, last seen as he frolicked in the mist was found dead by the sea. Not a good start to the Chinese, Year of the Dragon....Police are seaching for Little Jackie Paper. Foul play is suspected.

   (-.(-.(-.-).-).-) easy now... The Chinese mafia is watching.

   I hate it when random people calls me up and asks, "Did I call the right #?" ........"No buddy, you called the Left one!"

   For those who know nothing of how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word shopping.

   Drinking wine alone is not lonely, it's romantic. Damn self, you got nice eyes ;)

   I should be ashamed of myself but I'm not ! Ok !

   H.O.E.S. Happily Offering Everyone Sex.

   We are living in a age where losing our mobile phone is more hurtful than the break up!

   What do you get when you set Fire to The Rain ... STEAM ! Lots and Lots of Steam !

   Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

   10: I whip my hair back & forth. 16: I pass my blunt back & forth. 30: I drive my kids back & forth. 80: I rock my chair back & forth.

   They say heavy Cell phone use causes brain cancer. Fellas this is a great excuse when she ask why you ain't pick up

   While other countries are doubling down on education, we're using chicken breasts as sandwich bread.

   'MAY' contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn't. DON'T WASTE MY TIME

   I avoid eye contact with myself in the mirror. I know too much about me.

   If they changed the title of that movie from "The Artist" to "The Fartist" the odds of me paying to see it would increase dramatically.