Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I only live for two reasons: 1. I was born 2. I ain't dead yet

   Jigsaw - someone who when there is a problem goes to pieces :)...

   Never fall asleep around potheads...I woke up and had a forehead drawn on my peter...

   if another women steals your man. There is no better revenge, then letting her keep him. A REAL MAN can't be stolen!

   Angelina Jolie needs to take some time off her busy schedule of feeding the hungry and poor in third world countries and feed herself for a change.

   The FOX announcers are talking dirty...Drying Up the Wet Spots...LOL!

   Wait, hang on Fox... you finally resume racing after lonnnng delay, and a few laps in we get a commercial break?

   your teeth are so yellow, I can't believe it's not butter

   Go Daddy, more like Crash Daddy!

   How many NASCAR drivers does it take to destroy a jet dryer?? Juan

   Watching the Daytona 500 is worse than watching paint dry... Hmmm... On second note, maybe I just need some more Bud Light?

   I can see the newest Jimmy Johns commercial now. Dale Jr. having a sandwich delivered while standing on the track waiting to go back racing.

   Ok All right who pushed the damn buffalo wild wing button.......during this race ???

   The driver in jet dryer #2 truck should be safe, Juan Pablo isn't in a car any more...

   Look on the bright side The driver in jet dryer #2 truck should be safe, Juan Pablo isn't in a car any more... WoW what a bunch of red necks uesing Tide to wash the track lmao

   What if Deja Vu means you lost a life and started at the last checkpoint

   Well, now Daytona has Juan less jet dryer...

   Jeffery Dahmer's bologna really did have a first name.

   You can't have at(tit)ude without the tit

   found my favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.