Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   apparently there is a limit to how long you can wait to exhale ♥ rip whitney houston

   What does Whitney Houston and Madonna and me have in common ... All of us didn't sing at the Super Bowl this year .

   Do not forget kids "crack is cheap , crack is whack". Rip Whitney.

   Whitney Houston dead. Kevin Costner unavailable for comment.

   Men go through 3 stages in life: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.

   My grandfather recently beat my grandmother to death... Not in a physical way... he just died first.

   (Whitney) Houston, we have a problem.

   I just saw a lady carrying a "Forever 21 bag should have been carrying one that says "49 and Still Clubbin.

   MTV has gone from Music Television to Maternity Television..

   You make me feel dead inside ... Happy Valentine's Day

   Valentine's Day weekend the G/F said she wanted to go somewhere expensive...So I took her to the Gas Station! ;)

   Why can't the world come to Peace rather than Pieces?

   a new report found that Facebook greatly reduces people's attention thingys whatever

   alone with the kids for the weekend. I have 18 hours of Pixar movies and a squirt gun full of high-fructose corn syrup. Should be fine.

   seems to care less about trees when I'm drying my hands in a public bathroom.

   The best thing about Valentine's day being over next week will be no more Vermont teddy bear commercials.

   My neighbor has been stealing my WI-FI network. I'm going to change the password to "I screwed your wife".

   If I download a movie in Jamaica, am I a pirate of the Caribbean?

   Trying to decide: Laundry tonight or naked tommorow.

   Dear friends, I could make a chemistry joke... but all the good ones argon.