Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When I was a kid I loved the game kerplunk. Now I play everyday with the insane amt of clutter in my house

   Who are your favorite underground artists?? Mine are Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston

   On a scale 1 to Adele, how tough was your breakup?

   Fixin' to do some mechanic work... Have a rear end to put in my recliner!

   Tomorrow is Steak and BJ Day. I won't be celebrating. It's not like anyone would treat me to Steak and Berry Juice anyway...

   I eat Burger King at every whoppertunity

   I came home drunk last night and my wife looks at me says"Drunk Again" and I said "Me Too!!

   Reenacting scenes from Platoon with Charlie Sheen...

   Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?

   Once these h$es realize 1+1= 2 and NOT 3 the world will be a better place.

   I am a nurse, I'm just not registered.

   Happy March 14th to all the MEN out there.... (not sure what it is?? GOOGLE IT)

   If god did not want us to eat animals he would not have made them out of meat!

   if your gonna have a hairy chest at least shave a Superman 'S' in it

   Corned beef and cabbage. Proof that drunk people really will eat anything.

   could someone please tell me whats stopping mcdonalds from selling hotdogs? mcweenies would be mcawesome

   i really wish they would start selling buckets of bacon at the movies. popcorn is getting old.

   I'm trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can't find any Twinkie seeds. :/

   just wore tampon applicaters as earrings in the mall and no one noticed.

   i hope you're happy people..y'all jus sued your way into no cracker jack toy.. if your kid choked thats called natural selection, not have a retard an be a millionairre