Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Want to hear a joke? "Women's rights"

   I'm not FAT! It's just my awesomeness swilling up inside of me.

   Did you know that if you put your ear up to a stranger's leg you can hear them say, "What the f*ck are you doing?"

   With all the spam we get for p*nis enlargement pills, you'd think by now someone would have invented a pill to shrink v*ginas instead.

   Today is International Women's day. It was supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready !

   At last I've managed to find my girlfriend's G-spot! Who would have thought her sister had it all the time?

   Since when do Catholics care about contraception? Alter boys can't get pregnant..

   Whenever I worry that I've been wasting my life, I cheer myself up by remembering that I have never read a Twilight book....

   How to be a bouncer: 1.) Be an @sshole. 2.) Stand near a door.

   Just found out the girlfriend is pregnant, so I decided to propose. "Will you make me the happiest man on earth, or will you keep the baby?"

   What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother? Leave the plunger in the toilet

   To girls suffering from a case of too many friend requests: Here is a free tip - Put some clothes on and post your real pictures without photoshop or makeup. Problem solved!

   Today is International Women's Day. It was actually supposed to be held yesterday but they took too long to get ready.

   A woman's fanny is like a shed roof. If you don't nail it hard enough, it will end up next door.

   When my wife said she was leaving me yesterday because she insists I'm gay, I had to fight back tears. I'd only just applied my mascara.

   The wife's a Black Belt in Cooking. She can kill a Man with two Chops.

   if sex with 3 people is called a threesome and sex with 2 people is called a twosome then you should understand why they call me handsome

   Can't shake this headache. Perhaps the shaking isn't helping

   Online jokes have really suffered in this ecomedy. (exhibit A)

   Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you're donating blood...