Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.

   I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.

   "Fight fire with fire" - unequivocally the worst advice I have ever received. My house just burned even faster.

   Hey Alanis Morissette! Getting a girl pregnant on a "pull-out" couch. That's IRONIC.

   When I die, I want to be thrown out of a plane over the ocean wearing a superman costume.

   if he dont get called "gay" enough (even though I'm sure he isnt) Beiber makes a song & decides to call it "Boyfriend".....way to stop the jokes & rumors

   Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.

   blackpeoplemeet.com really ppl i'm a black dude & I know I was never a slave and there is not any slave drivers left so what are we really doing here

   ❒ I am under the influence. ❒ I am above the influence. ✔ I AM THE INFLUENCE.”

   Nice idea Mr Equality-For-All, but before we start those funds can we first make the Caucasians slaves for a couple of centuries and make them fight for their freedom and rights? Its only fair!

   It's time we create the true equal society.... It's time we create the United Caucasian College Fund, and the National Association for the Advancement of Caucasians.

   I just saved a bunch of money on an anniversary gift, by having my GF break up with me

   A black boy in a hoodie is a thug but a white kid in a hoodie is a skateboarder

   It's cute when they put expiration dates on snacks like I won't eat them as soon as I get to my car.

   I saw a bumper sticker yesterday that said "I MISS ATLANTA" so I smashed their window and stole their radio.

   Some Where In The Ghetto there's a girl using her EBT card like it's a VISA. "What you mean it declined, try that shhit again".

   The court took my lisence for blowin a .08 and then sends me a jurry summons.... How the f*** am I supposed to get there???

   I love Captain Crunch,,, and by that I mean I can't get enough of tasting the "roof of my mouth" skin... Two more bowls till I can tongue my brain.

   I may be reading too much into this, but I'm pretty sure this girl I met is stalking me... I saw her google my name last night through my binoculars.. I nearly fell out of the tree!!

   If you have fake eyelashes,weave,make up, and drawn on eyebrows... you not a bad chick you a created player