Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you're close minded. Blind fold yourself as if there's nothin more to further see

   When I pump gas now I do it with my eyes closed cause I'm praying that $35 worth will get me through the week...

   We have the laziest Easter Bunny here....He didn't bother cooking or coloring the eggs and he hid them all in my fridge.

   Todays a perfect day to walk down the street dressed as Santa Clause while holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, sobbing & yelling  "You guys forgot about me!"

   When I die I want written on my tombstone "Finally Offline".

   On Sunday nights, if you listen closely,,, you can hear Monday taunting you with the "Jaws" theme.

   a dying grandma told her grandson, "I have left you a farm with all the tools, animals, licences and 5million euros to your name". Dumbfounded the grandson said "WOW, you are so kind...I didn't know you had a farm, where is it". "Facebook" she said!

   (._. ) (._.) ( ._.) ( '-' ) Oh pardon me, I'm just looking to give a f**k!

   I still hate peeps

   Nothing says Easter like making deviled eggs while hungover

   Whenever I read the karma sutra, it puts me in an awkward position.

   nothing says happy Easter Jesus like going to a Wal Mart

   When I'm russian for food, there's no time for stalin

   I wake up in the morning expected when in reality HE can make it unexpected at any given time. Shout out to the BIG homie GOD.

   I was insane to think the people I knew was sane....

   KIDS: If you have to look at your parents before you do something, that means you SHOULD NOT be doing it!

   EGG hunt, no homo.

   Just don't update your Facebook status, update your life status...Jesus

   Eggs hide themselves when I tell them Chuck Norrris is coming!

   Easter Eggs are themselves when I tell them Chuk Norrris says "Hi"!