Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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Opportunity knock only once, if you hear a second knock it's probally a Jehovah's witness. 
What's happened with "Cover the Night" April 20 (world wide canvassing campaign for KONI 2012) ? I guess Jason Russell going to celebrate 4:20 another way.
A drunk man speaks what a sober man thinks.
Somebody just told me "an apple a day keeps the doctor away"..so I asked him "how many apples does it take to keep YOU away?"
I hope somebody shoots Tupac's hologram!
No matter how bad thing get in life, I can always cheer myself up by thinkin. I could have the reputation of Michael Jackson.
One of these days I'm going to show up at this WHO CARES hole-in-the-wall you just "checked in" on 4square & slap your phone out of your hand.
You call today, "4/20 day". Us in the police world call it, "I'm gonna search the f__ out of your Honda Civic Day"
It's 4:20 on 4/20! Do you know where your bong is?
everyone hopes for a happy ending...except inmates
This is how guccimane face look (8o>-_-)
I have you on the top of my "to do" list- thought you'd like to know! :)
Love the F word... Friday! What were you thinking?
WTF.! is 'Snow' saying in the song 'Informer'.
surprise drug test day
If you say “gullible” slow enough…it sounds like “orange”!
Dear Karma – I have a list of a few people you missed. Sincerely, Me
US Presidential elections 2012, polls close. "So, Barack, how many votes did you get?" asks his wife Michelle. "Two," he responds. She slaps him hard across the face. "What was that for?" "You have a mistress, now do you!!?"
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Chrysler Car User's Manual? The bus and train schedules....
Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler! Don't forget to party with 70 virgins and Bin Laden! 