Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Here we go... Very good... You're doing a great job of reading this post... Just passed the middle... Nearly there... Wonderful job... All done... And like it!

   Super Mario and Zelda are very accurate in depicting the idiotic things men will do for v@gin@.

   Be England what she will,with all her faults she's my country still. Remember that you are an Englishman, and have consequently won first prize in the lottery of life. HAPPY ST GEORGE's DAY

   The US is ranked 25th in math scores...this isn't any surprise to me, our elected leaders can't even ballance a budget.

   Dear Catholic Church, the rhythm method is fine,,, but what about something for us white guys?

   Drinking till I'm Someone else's Problem.

   I wish I could trade my heart for another liver.. So I could drink more and care less

   When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change...

   FACT: Every woman got a girlfriend that they don't trust around their man.

   FINALLYYYY got a chance to sit down today... Too bad I'm still at work and the place I'm sitting is on the toilet : /

   It's pronounced; Doo-mas...

   If you want to Learn How to Save & Budget Your Money Ask A Republican Or A Drug Dealer!!!

   Just found out that the girl from the Blind Melon video grew up to be Jonah Hill.

   To the idiot below me, you may be right saying Franklin never flew a kite, because that's a myth. However, there is no myth about a nephew... dumb ass.

   Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.

   Ben Franklin started the first Colonial printing press using hemp paper, I'm not saying he smoked it, a lot of sober guys fly kites in a thunderstorm.

   I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

   Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of f*cking idiot?

   statistics show that 97 % of dead people will stop posting statuses.

   If you love something, let it go, if it comes back to you, it has really low self esteem and you should exploit that for s@xual favors