Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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The best way to end a conversation is by raising both middle fingers. 
The passing out bit and the snoring is actually part of it, so yeah, a man's org@sm is so much longer than a woman's.
I like Tuesday simply because it is literally the furthest from next Monday I can possibly be.
has forgotten which sock goes on which foot
Face it. Tomboys are the sexiest damn girls you'll EVER see.
When I say, "That's interesting", don't assume it is, or that you are right or that I even I agree with you; most likely it means I am not really listening...
I'm not ready to adopt a highway, but a dead end street feels familiar and manageable.
S-International Sarcasm Society "Like we need your support"
the amount of times ones mother enters the room whilst one is watching a movie is equally proportional to the amount of times that a "s*x scene" appears in the movie, and so it seems!
...Be enhanced by your strengths, not inhibited by your struggles...(",)
My ideal job would be getting paid by a sassy black woman to back up all her statements with "mmmhmm!" And "Hooooo Damn! Girl!"
1990: I like big butts and I can not lie! 2005: Booty, booty, booty, booty- rockin everywhere! 2011: Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass!
Hooray! Hooray! The first of May! Outdoor sex begins today!
"It's not you, it's me" - me, explaining "awesome"
As a father to 2 sons & a grandfather to 2 grandsons,, I often find myself torn between.. "Don't ever do that again" and " Ahh,Good one!"
CREDULOUS FUNFACT: This May is the first month in 422 years to contain SIX Saturdays.
When you hear "that's illegal in 49 states,"....The other state is ALWAYS Kentucky..
FOL- Fart out Loud.
OMG! Debbie needs building supplies in Farmville and Josh played MOON on Words with Friends, OMG! OMG! OMG!
Just once I'd like to hear Obama say "Niga Please" 