Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I always though a "Super Moon" was a regular moon but with a little nut sack showing. 
Sometimes we must destroy something in order to rebuild it stronger, which is why drinking and liver regeneration are part of my regime.
Free the mind and the ass will follow
ME: Monday ƪ(´~`")∫ Tuesday (-____-)"" Wednesday (⌣́_⌣̀) Thursday Ҩ( > ̯ < )Ҩ Friday (ˆ⌣ˆ)ง Saturday ~('▽'~) (~'▽')~ Sunday (˘ʃ_ƪ˘)
Dude, you was that drunk..... When I asked you what happened to the bottle of Tequila you said...."I plead the Cinco de Mayo"
May the fifth be with you? Tequila!
It's cool to visit Mount Rushmore and remember the good old days, when a four-headed rock monster was President.
If you haven't celebrated Cinco de Mayo with a sink full of Mayo while each person bobbs for Mexican midgets than you are doing it wrong.
I'd like to title myself as self unemployed ...
I'd sure like to "Up" a "Ton'' of something in Kate Upton.
The best time to give kids advice is when they're still young enough to believe you.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.,
Very excited for tonight's super moon, but I'm not looking forward to hearing the Mexican-werewolves............
The 5th of May. It's the only day Californians don't wake up to the sound of leaf blowers. 23 hours ago Comment Like
It's a good thing most mens rooms have changing tables because sometimes I need to lay down after I poop.
Well on and on and on and on I can't stop y'all 'til the early morn' So rock y'all tick tock y'all to the beat y'all C'mon and rock y'all I give thanks for inspiration It guides my mind along the way*RIP MCA
Happy Cinco De Miracle Whip ... I DON'T CARE FOR MAYO :)
I will gather my Grandchildren around for one of my bedtime stories. Like todays story about the "Cinco De Mayo",, a riviting yet sad tale of a ship, laden with mayonaise,,, which sinks off the coast of Mexico.(cue background music, Wreck of the Edmund..)
Cinco de Mayo. I don't see what the big deal is. The Mexicans were victorious over the French.........who can't beat the French 