Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm sitting here watching "The First 48", and thinking, you just killed someone....is it THAT hard to plead 'not guilty" and just take your chances..

   What do people in China call their good dishes?

   Does anyone have an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle...in their garage..they no longer want ? Ralphie here is driving me crazy.

   Does this mean Obama can blame Bush for the health care reform tax....After all it was Bush's appointment that was the swing vote.

   If a woman answers the door wearing only a see through nightie, is she negligent?

   Imagine...nothing but "straight news" from Anderson Cooper

   BREAKING NEWS: CNN reports that Anderson Cooper is straight.

   When I start thinking people aren't that bad, all I have to do to ressucitate the hate is go grocery shopping

   How to make a Wiz Khalifa song. •Say uhhh • Say something about weed(like 20 times) • Say you're reppin Taylor Gang.

   BREAKING NEWS: Fox News reporting that Anderson Cooper is, in fact, a tax.

   Ever notice that after you and some friends order a pizza the only conversation you have is "where the hell is the pizza?"

   in light of Anderson Cooper coming out....the reach around will now be known as the AC 360

   The paypal card reader is now available. So now people who sell weed and other illegal substances can now accept all major credit cards.

   The problem with natural selection is that it isn't killing stupid people off quickly enough.

   How many of you are household pets reading this while your owners nap?

   Anderson Cooper must have seen 'Magic Mike' this weekend.

   I just found some of my long lost relatives from Alabama on incestry.com

   I'm not saying you're dumb, but you look like the kind of person who would bring a 'Free Hugs' sign to a knife fight.

   When a traffic light is out of service you should just treat the intersection as a demolition derby.

   If you pretend not to see me, I will use my outside voice to say hello.