Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We all at some point in our lives' think that the who, what & where are not what you thought it to be, but in the end you will have the life with whom you wanted & all the what's accomplished and more importantly be exactly where YOU want to be. Life

   I love how the best things in life are unexpected

   It is a scientific fact that the gravatational pull of a woman's cleavage on a man's eyes is too strong to be fought!!!

   A paper boy said to a customer ''Mr Smith, I wish I had 20 customers like you!'' ''Wow thats ice to hear considering I never tip and always pay late.'' said Smith The paper boy said ''I know, that's why I'd like 20 customers like you, I have 150 right now

   Everyone seems Normal until you get to know them!!!

   Avoid arguements about the toilet seat.........use the sink!!!

   I'm on the road to recovery......I'm just making a stop at the liquor store first

   Facebook is the best international stalking game I have ever played.

   It's amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don't like them!!!

   Charm me with your beauty and intelligence or just wait till I'm really drunk.

   If I stop my car for you to walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knee's to chest b!tch , knee's to chest!!!

   My girlfriend is almost perfect. She loves everything about me; listens to me, and cares about my feelings. Her only flaw? She does not exist.

   I'm not saying you're ugly! I'm just saying you're a 12 pack away from being why type!!!

   I think it is so impolite for people to sneak up on you while you are talking about them behind their back!!!

   I wsh mirrors, pictures, and what I think I look like would get together and agree on what I really look like!!!

   Marriage.........when dating goes way too far!

   My date last night told me she loved being handcuffed yet all she did was b!tch at me as we sat in the back of a squad car after the robbery

   Girls always win because girls always have the v@ginas.

   Ranch dressing is too a pizza topping! Open your mind-hole and stop hating on deliciousness.

   I know I really like someone when I can listen to them talk about pooping and not get grossed out. Apparently, I don't like this girl.