Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 336 of 6383
Just for the record, a book filled with executive orders and congressional initiatives is not a comprehensive healthcare plan.
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10-26-2020 15:14
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I can always tell when a friend spent a lot on their kitchen remodel when I can't find their garbage can.
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10-26-2020 00:31 by moon
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I didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay...
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10-25-2020 18:48 by SABO86
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My husband keeps tapping on the window saying..."look, it's snowing"....if he keeps it up, I suppose am gonna have to let him in.....!!
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10-25-2020 13:28
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Facebook and Twitter are no different than commun¡st countries who control the media. Although they aren't government entities, they still have far reaching influence due to their sizable presence.
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10-24-2020 05:36 by Fazzy
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I bought a watch at a secondhand store and it's real slow. I played cards with my buddies later that evening and the second hand lost a second every second hand.
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10-23-2020 22:30
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I'm beginning to believe whoever said "Hindsight is 2020" was sending a message to the future we all misunderstood.
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10-23-2020 21:32 by moon
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It's important to look closely at all the campaign signs. Last election I voted for a real estate agent.
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10-23-2020 18:00
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I was kidnapped by a gang of Mimes earlier!! They did unspeakable things to me...!
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10-22-2020 18:38 by Gabe
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Life is like a helicopter... I don't know how to operate a helicopter.
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10-22-2020 18:37
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I know I have to watch Borat 2 to get the full story on the Rudy situation. But until the movie comes out, I'm gonna assume Rudy is guilty because it pisses people off.
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10-22-2020 08:23
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I'm getting through the elections without a headache by using a wonderful Facebook feature you can find under settings then scrolling down to where it says log out.
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10-21-2020 21:43
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I don't have a secret china bank account anymore because it's no longer a secret.
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10-21-2020 11:54
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As a mother, I knew one day I would have to deal with the issue of bullying. I just didn’t think it would happen so soon and to my fish.
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10-21-2020 09:47
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Laughter really is the best medicine. Unless you have STDs then talk to your doctor.
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10-21-2020 09:46
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Me: "Hey Siri, why do I always mess things up with women?" Her: "My name is ALEXA..."
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10-21-2020 08:15 by Gabe
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Freaking out people walking round the cemetery dressed as a Ghostbuster.
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10-21-2020 06:22
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Whenever I hear a lady in the next stall trying to unwrap a tampon as quietly as possible I yell, “HEY, IS THAT CANDY? CAN I HAVE SOME?”
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10-21-2020 06:19
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October’s cool because you can buy 60 Snickers, 48 beers, a hockey mask, chainsaw, 30 leaf bags and the cashier won’t even acknowledge it.
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10-21-2020 06:17
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Female fishermen should be called Broadcasters.
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10-21-2020 06:15
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