Funny Status Messages

   So orphans only have 9 commandments to deal with?

   Some of these actors are so good at playing the bad guy role that when I see them in real life, I just want to punch them in the throat.

   You know you're getting old, when you pull a non-existent abdominal muscle playing Wii golf…

   The PAST is real easy to bring into the FUTURE, the real challenge is keeping the past PAST!!

   Guys before you start thinking lesser of yourselves and thinking women are to be worshiped remember that without your rib she wouldn't exist.

   Do you know what I hate about this country?...Larry the Cable Guy.

   I keep it real like a bad magician.

   nothing makes me forget something faster than your reminder.

   just thinking about those tender little White Castle burgers with those little, itty-bitty grilled onions that just explode in your mouth like flavor crystals every time you bite into one...

   Former Olympic Skater Nancy Kerrigan was arrested today on a DUI.....She blew 8.6, 7.8, 5.6, 6.7 and the cop.

   (D)umb (R)etards (A)sking for (M)ore (A)ttention

   Former Olympic Skater Nancy Kerrigan was arrested today on a DUI.....She blew 8.6 /7.8 /5.6 /.6.7/and 7.3

   You know it's hot outside when you see the Pillsbury dough boy climbing back into the oven while muttering "Screw this, I'd rather be in here."

   You will always find me in the kitchen at parties... unless you've stashed the booze in a different room.

   So....Apparently putting toothpaste on your ass....DOES NOT stop you from being raped in prison.....so much for complete cavity protection!

   Why do people always pick their noses when they're at a stop light when everyone can see them.

   it's so hot, my balls are now best friends with my knees...

   You know I can't stay mad at you masturbation sock!!

   I ALWAYS cry after sex because I don't know when I'm getting it again.

   If the sheets are still on the bed when it's over, you're doing it wrong.