Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Maybe this Chick-Fil-A thing was just a big misunderstanding...Where's Rodney King when you need him..

   Why did the chicken cross the road.....to get away from the gays

   If our olympic athletes really eat McDonalds… We're screwed.

   Sick of seeing photos of everyone's food? Post a few of your meals on their walls...post digestion.

   You have "Swag"? I bet that looks great on your McDonald's application.

   Call my girlfriend.. Call my girlfrien.. Call oy girly.. Call of gurty.. Call of duty.

   I wish that some people would realize that talking isn't necessary.

   That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a life saber to open it...

   Somebody needs to start a restaurant called "Chick-Fil-Atheist" that's only open on Sunday.

   "The glass is half full" ~ optimist "The glass is half empty" ~ pessimist "That looks delicious" ~ alcoholic

   I am tired of all the jokes making fun of the women gymnast because they have no boobs! They can bend over backwards and do splits, So........... CHECK MATE!

   guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early kill people

   When I came home today I brought in a box of tampons and a package of Tylenol... She told me she's not on her period and she doesn't have a headache. Yup, she was tricked into sex again.

   Since when are chinese people tall and buff?? :O

   Whenever I ask my wife if she has a minute, she thinks it's because I'm horny.

   Full-Moon out tonight which means all the crazy folks are coming out of the woodwork... and for some reason they've chosen me as their leader...

   I met a girl at the bar and she said she wanted to suck on my foot. Had to tell her its not quite that big.

   If you didn't hump Christina Ricci... then you're doing Wednesday wrong.

   my date last night had something between her boobs I never expected to see there - her belly button

   Women are always saying how men judge a girl based on looks. That's actually true. Since all women are crazy, you might as well go for the fit ones.