Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon To think, millions of children go to bed every night without knowing what their Sleep Number is.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:30 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lots of woman stay in relationships just to have somebody around to kill spiders and open jars.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:30 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Weren't the Olympics supposed to add bum fighting this year?!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was pulled over for driving a Ford Tempo without a cigarette in my mouth.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:29 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Piñatas are a great way to show kids that using assault with a deadly weapon is a fun way to get what they want.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do video games cause violence? Why don't you ask these teens kicking all the animals at the petting zoo hoping they burst into coins.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:28 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, He's not looking at p0rn because he's bored with you. He's been dating his hands his whole life, and that's who's getting boring.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when they had to put disclaimers on p0rn saying it was for "education purposes".
←Rate | 08-08-2012 15:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the feck up!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 14:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You yield at a circle intersection, you don't stop if there is nobody in the circle people!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 13:28 Comments (1)  


   messageicon when you are staring at your beautiful reflection in the mirror, point at it and say "YOU ARE AWESOME!" everyday and you will believe it. then trim your nose hairs because they are looking pretty disgusting.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it safe to say the guys who drive the little 4 cylinders with the loud ass coffee can muffler also have a tiny weenie?
←Rate | 08-08-2012 13:25 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Sometimes I like to have a staring contest with my reflection in the mirror. It can go on for hours at a time but always ends in a draw. Well played reflection, well played.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 13:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon what good is my android when my toilets in a dead zone
←Rate | 08-08-2012 12:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What idiot takes a cab from Philly all the way to Bel-Air? And then he has the nerve to complain about the smell afterward.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I usually feel much better after I have evacuated all of the Westboro Baptist Church out of my colon
←Rate | 08-08-2012 10:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll always cherish the original misconception I had of you.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 10:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon sexier than socks on a rooster.
←Rate | 08-08-2012 10:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there is no better way to follow everyone in the world then here!!:) also I can save the money I spend on the van and candy!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 09:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've paid for my sins. Now give me my change!
←Rate | 08-08-2012 09:57 Comments (0)  




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