Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Helpful hint: You can park wherever you want if you put your hazard lights on and take your tire off.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 07:17 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do declare douchebaggery and shenanigans! Happy F-Off Friday
←Rate | 08-17-2012 07:07 by big-J Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single bells, single bells,single all the way oh what fun it is to see couples fight all day hey!
←Rate | 08-17-2012 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I violently vomit and get overwhelmed with suicidal thoughts whenever I read B EGO's sentimental crap.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Are you gonna eat that... or just take pictures?
←Rate | 08-17-2012 04:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear people who like temperatures in the 90s don't actually work for a living.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 02:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon And on the day that Pooh found out bacon tasted better than honey, we all knew Piglet's days were numbered.
←Rate | 08-17-2012 01:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not ALL of B EGO's shtuff is funny, but I've seen quite a few good ones from him. We all bomb once in a while. :)
←Rate | 08-17-2012 00:40 by Interstate Cowboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I violently vomit when I see anonymoys F-tards that wanna be little kids and insult someone they don't even know. Don't be a puss!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 23:54 Comments (2)  


   messageicon there such a thing as a bad friday?
←Rate | 08-16-2012 22:28 by kurt Comments (0)  


   messageicon The people in horror movies would live a lot longer if they listened to me in the audience.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 22:04 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a girl bangs 10 guys in a year, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's gay, definitely gay.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 22:01 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon 11 year olds today: "Omg I love smokin pot. I get like so drunk. Yolo!" Me when I was 11: "I can't wait to go home and play Club Penguin!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:58 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Myspace: Died a couple of years ago. Facebook: In the hospital. Twitter: At the strip club throwing ones at the big booty bit$hes.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:56 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old", B$tch don't make me do math.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:54 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon British accent: Justin Biebah. American: Justin Biebur. Australian: Jastin Beybah. You just tried out all of the accents, didnt you?
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:53 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Voicemail should be renamed “messages from people over 40″
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:51 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon If swimming would just add one shark, I would watch it more than football.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:49 by BEGO Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear God, I wanna take a minute, not to ask for anything from you. But simply to say thank you, for all I have.
←Rate | 08-16-2012 21:47 by BEGO Comments (1)  


   messageicon My wife is a banquet cook... If it says Banquet on the box, she can cook it!
←Rate | 08-16-2012 20:59 by snotty Comments (0)  




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