Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating!

   What doesn't kill you, leaves you alive for something else that will.

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   Trust me, as you get to know me, I just get weirder.

   If Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

   Unfriended me? Wow, you sure showed m

   We all have that ONE friend who checks in on Facebook when he is at Hooters and doesn't post pics.... Yeah..... Screw that guy.

   My worst ideas have all either started or ended with having no pants on.

   I know a lot of midget jokes, I'm afraid they will come back to bite me in the ass.

   How about they make a film that makes these ppl give us free oil?

   tried to kill a spider by drowning it, but it looked at me and asked, "Where's the soap?"

   So a film sparked this whole thing.....Have these ppl seen Roots and Shinderlist's List?.....

   Ummmm... Turns out The Royal Family isn't So Stuffy !

   Sumung s 3 was launched some time ago and iphone 5 can can't beat it.

   For world economy to stablelise matchsticks should come both sides.

   Just like NOKIA, iphone 5 feutures are the same as previous versions.

   An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.

   No, that dress doesn't make you seem fat...but your dependence on others' opinions definitely makes you seem shallow."

   Since when has being cheap counted as "empowerment"?...Hey, I'm all for getting in touch with the "inner goddess" by pole dancing you're way to "new you", but you can't get lobster thermidore out of a can of tuna. Get a life."

   Once you go Bl@ck you never go back. I sure hope that isn't the case with the President