Funny Status Messages

   Android > BlackBerry > Nokia > Fax > Land phone > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > iPhone with iOS 6

   iPhone > Android > Nokia > Land phone > Typewriter > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > Blackberry

   this isn't a bakery, I don't sugar coat anything!

   if you do the crime then expect to do the time!!

   going to try to act my age tonight!! Said no cougar ever :)

   Ever take a dump so big your pants fit better?

   If you don't want me pointing out your faults, don't have so many to choose from

   Sometimes when I get bored I bounce my nuts on the keyboard dfhjyffcbhhhjufddxcbnnkiytredcvhkopihf

   Worried cause I heard a beep and didn't know if it was my cell, ipod, Wii, Skype, Facebook, email, Twitter or TV but it was just my fire alarm. Phew!

   I hate it when a co-worker offers to make themselves “perfectly clear” but then I can still see them…and hear them.

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I bounce my boobs on the jfdslkhdjkhkjdvvgffdzbsldk;/ffdlskn\/njvglnxlk\cz/\/sl/\sn

   Respect for women, starts with your mother

   Tampons are in the right place, at the wrong time.

   A new poll actually found that 47 percent of Americans do not approve of Mitt Romney's running mate, which isn't too bad considering most Americans don't approve of Paul Ryan's running mate !

   Prius = douchebags gone wild

   What do you mean the stun gun was not foreplay?

   Masturbation - When you want a job done right you've got to do it yourself.

   Blood makes you related but loyalty makes you family

   I thought the new iPhone was supposed to repair my self esteem issues.

   I'm the kind of dirty you can't wash off.