Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't feel like doing anything today...except for you...I'd do you.

   Doesn't like being told what to do unless he is naked

   not sitting at home praying, he is out somewhere being prayed for!

   Where have you been my whole life? And could you please go back there?

   laughing because I just pictured you naked!

   I really need to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" Some people are starting to take it as a personal challenge!

   It's kinda funny how in 2010 and 2011 people were freaking out about 2012. Now it's 2 months from December and no one gives a crap

   Home is where I can look and feel ugly and enjoy it.

   Strict parents create sneaky children.

   Sexy is when a woman is hot enough to flaunt it but chooses not to

   You're a 90s kid if… you wore the light up shoes! Those were badass.

   Unless life also hands you water and sugar, that lemonade is gonna damn suck.

   When I die, I want My body to be thrown out of a plane wearing a Superman costume

   Seems like it's going to be “die trying” rather than “get rich” kind of life.

   i was going to dress up as Cailey Anthony for halloween but my mom said shed kill me

   gas prices are so high in California I saw 12 Mexicans on one skateboard…

   there are 2 kinds of people in this world. Those who love beer and idoits...

   I want Mythbusters to find out if fat girls really do give better head!!

   Why is that cotton candy talking? Grandma, that's Niki Minaj.

   Comin' up next on Mythbusters: Does Democracy REALLY work??.. ( high-speed footage of Buster being shot out of a cannon and into a voting booth.. )