Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People who live in glass houses shouldnt smoke crack!

   Man that wind is really blowing hard out. I seen a chicken lay the same egg three times..

   All I can say is Thank You Sandy for giving me a break from the Election!

   What if Gangnam Style is actually a rain dance and we've brought the frankenstorm down upon ourselves?

   People who live in glass houses must really hate birds.

   I could eat a bowl of Alphabet soup and poop out a better arguement!

   it's ok if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right.

   Stop undressing me with your eyes...use your teeth

   I get ignored by women so much that they call me "Terms And Conditions".

   If you see a prisoner or a married man asleep, do not wake him perhaps he is dreaming of freedom.

   Why did cave men drag women around by their hair? Cuz if they dragged them by their feet they would feel up with sand.

   New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups huh Bloomberg? BABOOM! *drops micc

   strong winds on the east coast....not Hurricane Sandy...its just congress in Washingoton DC blowing air out their mouths

   BREAKING: FEMA and National Weather Service to plug the eye of Hurricane Sandy by dropping Chris Christie into it to save New Jersey.

   New Yorkers could probably bail that water out a lot faster if they weren't limited to using 16 oz cups,,,, huh Bloomberg??

   New York on terror alert as Al Qaeda threaten to crash submarines into the Empire State Building.

   thankful Sandy decided to help out with the yardwork and blow my leaf piles down the road!

   Like if you knew Mitt Romney moved to France to skip the Vietnam draft. Flipper/Dodger.

   Who names these hurricanes? I don't want to die in a hurricane named sandy, I wanna be wiped out by the cyclone of doom, the hurricane of pain or even the population ripper but please god, not sandy!

   Like if you're on the East Coast!