Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women... the more attention they get, the more options they seek.

   The male version of "Fifty Shades of Grey" arrives this Tuesday at Midnight. They are calling it "Halo 4" !!! Countless crowds are standing in line anywhere games are sold.

   I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.

   My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.

   I've a bottle of Champagne chilling for election night. If Romney wins I'll drink a glass. If Obama wins I'll drink the whole thing then start on whiskey....

   A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least a thousand dollars.

   When I win the lottery I am going to buy all the raisin cookies in the world and throw them in the trash.

   I'll bet it would be excruciating to listen to Foghorn Leghorn sing a cover version of Jackson/McCartney's "Say Say Say."

   Please don't curse and use bad words when you comment on my posts. My mother f*cking family is on Facebook. Thank you.

   what have we learned from Katrina and Sandy? If you're b lack and live near the coast, you're f ucked...

   Dems hate rich people except those who can sing, act or play a sport...

   If I ever get tagged in a Yoga photo, please send the police, I have been kidnapped by some Zen extremists.........!!!!!

   69% of people on FB are childish and immature

   Everyone don't forget to get out and vote. Tell all of your friends too. Republicans on Tuesday and Democrats on Wednesday.

   looking for a female that will go down on me as much as dish network does!

   If I had known she was going to start wearing clothes,,, I would never have eaten it. ~ Adam

   Often we fail to appreciate those closest to us... Soooo, go waaaaaaaay over there, I would appreciate it...

   Police have reported that Tony the Tiger and the Captain Crunch have been murdered. A police spokesman said it could be the work of a cereal killer.

   If the neighbors don't know your name, you're not f*cking your woman right...

   If you've never baked pot brownies in an Easy Bake Oven... then you've never wrote an apology letter to your sister with an Etch A Sketch.