Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Well... It's taken 3 hours to glue a top hat & cane to this frog but still no "hello my baby, hello my honey" song & dance... Cartoons lie kids

   If you have a facebook page that features both you and your girl....you're a h0m0.

   It's alright to steal my status updates. However, I just want to let you know that I lick each one before I post it.

   Dear Statefarm Insurane Advertising Team, It's time to re-invent yourself thanks.

   A good girlfriend is like a good bra, she uplifting, she is supportive, she fits you well, and she is always close to your heart.

   If the head of the CIA (Petraeus) can't keep a secret such as cheating on his wife, then they're screwed.

   Sometimes I drop things and I'm too lazy to pick them up, like pencils, or my hopes and dreams.

   People are saying the voting age should be 16. Twilight won 9 teen shoice awards. You really want them voting for the next president?

   Biggest lie I tell myself: "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

   To all the girls that say Gentlemen don't exist anymore: They do exist but Gentlemen are attracted to Ladies. Not s?uts. Sorry.

   You can keep retaking all the photos you want but that's just what your face really looks like

   It's Friday night and you're sitting at home on Facebook? HAHAHAHAHAHA same

   The true test of any loving relationship is having two phones and only one functioning charger.

   It's easier to fall asleep in class than in my bed at home.

   Everyone has that 1 favorite piece of clothing that you wear all the time and refuse to throw away.

   The 4 Stages of Going Out Drinking: 1. Why do I do this to myself 2. This isn't so bad 3. WE SHOULD DO THIS MORE OFTEN 4. Why do I do this to myself

   At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

   I believe in karma that means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it.

   I just bought the new vi@gra flavor ice cream...its been 4 hours and it still hasn't melted...

   Women dont say sorry, when a guy is right they say.... "Whatever!"