Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.

   Dear Facebook, I'm fully capable of finding my phone friends so if you can do me a favor and stop suggesting them to me like my mother did when I was 5 years old that would be great. Thanks!

   The baby gets really annoyed when I try to undress him. He gets that from his mother.

   The year is 2073. My wife and I rest in side by side burial plots. Waking up in the middle of the night our 57yo son, for reasons beyond his understanding, digs a horizontal hole between us and gets in. His head near his mother and his feet kicking my c

   Mother Goose Haiku: Old Mother Hubbard Looked in cupboard for dog food Nothing for that dog.

   I see the mother in law's put up a new profile pic! It's got 23 yikes already!

   The penalty for bigamy is having two mother in-laws.

   In sept 1945 I wish "he" was shot into space instead of his mother being impregnated with him.

   My mother inlaw standing in front of a mirror: "I feel fat and ugly." . Me to make her feel better: "Well at lease your eye sight is good."

   My mother in-law is so ugly, even a boiling tea kettle won't give her a whistle.

   My mother never saw the iorny in calling me a s.o.b.

   Well, I guess we are going to see "The Nutcracker" on Saturday! My mother-in-law, not the play.......

   Why did Adam and Eve have the perfect marriage?..... Because neither one of them had a mother in-law.

   using Just For Men on your mother in laws mustache at night wrong ? Asking for a friend ..

   When my mother in-law said she wants to be creamated. I immediatley made her an appointment for next week.

   I've noticed that the most attractive women always drive those cute little cars! Which reminds me...the mother-in-law's Panzer needs an oil change!!

   Gave my boss a mother's day card. Because "he" is one of the top ten mothers on my list.

   Another woman cause me to leave my wife. It was her mother.

   Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.

   Its still winter because Mother Nature saw all our summer bodies and decided we weren't ready yet.