Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2963 of 6449

364 shopping days 'til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.

the older you get, the better the binge...
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12-26-2012 20:14
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Can't believe i've made it all week without stabbing anyone in the neck with a pencil...
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12-26-2012 19:26 by Steve OH
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says: Well, everyone was dreaming of a white Christmas and well, we got it... Just on a side note - I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU DREAMERS. NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL!! :(
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12-26-2012 19:19
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Oop's just dropped my nuts!!
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12-26-2012 18:37
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It's the end of the year, as you know you have to spend all your Flex Spending Account Funds or lose them. Here's a list of the procedures I am thinking of having done... Mustache Implanting, Sideburn Bedazzling, Sun-visor Implant, & Eyeball Swap.
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12-26-2012 18:05
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A friend told me "I think your brain is 80% movie clips." Without knowing what to day I started quoting Dumb and Dumber....AND TOTALY REDEEMED MYSELF!!
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12-26-2012 17:39 by Rob
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n't it about time The Kardashian's have an STD Named after them ?
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12-26-2012 14:56
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This man's so impressed with my driving that he got next to me just to show me he's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger..

I want all my family and friends here in N.Carolina to show your support for all our friends up north and join me for a "BLIZZARD" at dairy queen
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12-26-2012 14:03
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According to my wife, if farting was a crime, I'd be on death row.
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12-26-2012 13:38
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I'm re-enacting Titanic today, I'm at the part where Jack is in his underwear on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.
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12-26-2012 13:32 by snotty
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Wanna have crooked green teeth? Move to the UK, you wont be out of place there

Today is Boxing Day in Canada. Or, as we in America call it; WTF is Boxing Day??
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12-26-2012 11:48
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When you love someone you take interest in their interests or at least pretend to.
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12-26-2012 11:30 by BEGO
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Dont mistake my kindness for blindness.
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12-26-2012 11:16
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Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
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12-26-2012 11:09 by Czovczov
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I should've asked for eight maids a-milking.
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12-26-2012 11:08
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How much does it cost these days to make someone love you?
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12-26-2012 11:05
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MERRY DEBTMAS EVERYONE!
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12-26-2012 10:26
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