Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon 364 shopping days 'til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 20:52 by Anita Dicken Comments (0)  


   messageicon the older you get, the better the binge...
←Rate | 12-26-2012 20:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't believe i've made it all week without stabbing anyone in the neck with a pencil...
←Rate | 12-26-2012 19:26 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon says: Well, everyone was dreaming of a white Christmas and well, we got it... Just on a side note - I AM NOT IMPRESSED WITH YOU DREAMERS. NOT IMPRESSED AT ALL!! :(
←Rate | 12-26-2012 19:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oop's just dropped my nuts!!
←Rate | 12-26-2012 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's the end of the year, as you know you have to spend all your Flex Spending Account Funds or lose them. Here's a list of the procedures I am thinking of having done... Mustache Implanting, Sideburn Bedazzling, Sun-visor Implant, & Eyeball Swap.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 18:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A friend told me "I think your brain is 80% movie clips." Without knowing what to day I started quoting Dumb and Dumber....AND TOTALY REDEEMED MYSELF!!
←Rate | 12-26-2012 17:39 by Rob Comments (0)  


   messageicon n't it about time The Kardashian's have an STD Named after them ?
←Rate | 12-26-2012 14:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This man's so impressed with my driving that he got next to me just to show me he's not wearing a ring. Thanks hon, but wrong finger..
←Rate | 12-26-2012 14:15 by minnie haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want all my family and friends here in N.Carolina to show your support for all our friends up north and join me for a "BLIZZARD" at dairy queen
←Rate | 12-26-2012 14:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my wife, if farting was a crime, I'd be on death row.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 13:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm re-enacting Titanic today, I'm at the part where Jack is in his underwear on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 13:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanna have crooked green teeth? Move to the UK, you wont be out of place there
←Rate | 12-26-2012 12:28 by KarlNemesis Comments (1)  


   messageicon Today is Boxing Day in Canada. Or, as we in America call it; WTF is Boxing Day??
←Rate | 12-26-2012 11:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you love someone you take interest in their interests or at least pretend to.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 11:30 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dont mistake my kindness for blindness.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 11:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
←Rate | 12-26-2012 11:09 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I should've asked for eight maids a-milking.
←Rate | 12-26-2012 11:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much does it cost these days to make someone love you?
←Rate | 12-26-2012 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon MERRY DEBTMAS EVERYONE!
←Rate | 12-26-2012 10:26 Comments (0)  




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