Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes I like to go to the dealership, slip into a pair of smart cars and roller skate around the parking lot for three hours.

   I have come to the conclusion that Facebook needs to add an option called "People You Don't Want To Know"

   A slut's prayer: As I lay down with this creep, I pray he sticks it in real deep, If he comes before I do, I'll have to do his best friend too.

   People are so rude to each other nowadays, that when one is nice and polite, it's considered a marriage proposal.

   Are you one of those people that get butt hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your ass off of Facebook.

   If I ever die and find out there is no heaven or hell I am going to be really pissed.

   When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.

   Okay "beautiful" girls...be as narcissistic as you wish, yet remember, there was someone named Marilyn Monroe. And I promise you, you do not measure up.

   if Taylor would learn to blow like a good all American girl, she'd never ever ever......have to write another break up song.

   What happens on holiday,stays on holiday. Except for STDs, they will always come back with you

   If you see a white guy in a sombrero passed out in the gutter today please make sure I still have a pulse.

   This Jack n Coke tastes like assault charges.

   If sex is the only basis for your relationship, make sure it's good enough so that you never have to talk.

   Shout out to trees. You shady motherf uckers.

   Pizza delivery is no reason to put pants on.

   She charged me an extra $15 disappointment fee.

   Beer is good, but beers are better.

   Tell me everything, so I can secretly judge you. - most people

   You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok.

   seriously people, we all have smart phones. Stop with the weather updates on FB...