Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Evidently once your mother leaves the house you jump on her computer and think your a comedian with the "once you....."

   the kinda guy your mother warned you about. Warned you not to let get away because a good man is hard to find.

   Psychotherapy is like the boardgame Clue: "I know who did it. It was my mother, with the passive-aggression, in the 80's."

   if I could just harness the powers of that groundhog to predict the future...I'd be unstoppable...and I could dig like a mother fu@ker too...

   Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.

   I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.

   Little Johnny wrote to Santa, "I want a baby brother for christmas." Santa wrote back' "Send me your Mother. '

   If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

   Facebook - one more way my mother can make sure I haven't died in the past 24 hours...

   I miss the days when their mother's loving kiss could solve all of my children's problems:o(

   Steven Tyler has the face only a mother could love.

   if a deaf boy cusses in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

   Turning on Parental Control...restricting my wireless network so my mother cannot go on Facebook at certain times.

   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

   pretty sure that mother nature has been taken over by an evil step-mother!!!

   My mother never understood the irony in calling me a ”son-of-a-b!tch.”

   Parking in the "Expecting Mother" parking spot wasn't a mistake. I'm expecting yours.

   One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

   The only good thing about having your mother as a FB friend is that no matter how bad your status update bombs in your attempt to be funny, you can always count on her to "like' it

   Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.