Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise" 
[white house staff meeting] Obama: Any questions?.. *Biden raises hand* Obama: Spongebob is yellow Joe... *Biden returns to coloring book*
Welcome to taco bell may I take your order? "... I'd like 2 tancos, a enchilanto, a brampino, a grondalito, and a small spripe,,, thanks"
There are three reasons which you are inflicting pain on others and destroying all good or bad morals: 1-you're a psychologically twisted serial killer who's not get caught yet, 2- poor , or 3- a fool who quickly mimics people's ideas without thinking.
One day there's gonna be a huge memorial dedicated to the people who sacrificed their lives to sit at a computer for the majority of their existence
You say," If your man keeps cheating on you with the same woman, humble yourself and go ask her for advice. "There's no advice; he's greedy not needy.
What's with all these Anti-Bullying campaigns? Do kids nowadays not know how to join gangs anymore?!!
Fu*k all of that Hump Day bullsh*t and stay the hell out of my way cause I hereby designate this Wednesday as five finger death punch day.
Why aren't we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Excuse me... Tell me more about this mythical corner, around which fudge is made.
Oh Nothing. Just over here choking on dinner, fighting death like it's my job.
Lady GaGa had no idea what she was doing when she asked R. Kelly to "do what you want with my body"... Psssssssss
My girlfriend is so dumb. It's just me and her alone in the living room and she turns around and says "who's farted"
Mr. Reynolds has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.
A recent study determined the #1 reason couples divorce is because women are f#$%ing crazy!!
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there's no romance and it's just me laughing at my own jokes
Snooki cried so hard when she got kicked off of Dancing With The Stars. It wasnt cuz she lost or anything like that, its cuz she realize she is going to be broke for halloween
My wife and I have one in common; neither of us respect me.
Jehovah's witness evangelizing to a Chinese guy. Jehovah's witness - Asks " Do you know Jesus?" Chinese Guy - Answers "No, but ifi you gifi sample I make for u!"
If your man keeps cheating on you with the same woman, humble yourself and go ask her for advice. 