Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I sat in my stand for hours with not one deer coming by. Then in a matter of minutes, I bag 4 big bucks! Thanks to the Deer Hunter Game, my morning wasn't a total loss.

   Why buy the camel when you can get the toe for free ...

   Anyone who's says, "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all", has obviously never gone through a divorce.

   Male version: why buy the camel when you can get the toe for free?

   Male Version: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Female Version: Why buy the whole pig when you just want a little sausage?

   PS4? Pshhhhh…. When I was a kid I had to blow into my video games to get them to work.

   12 things about me. 7- I can't count.

   I had 3 happy meals today and none of them worked.

   Miley Cyrus puts the Ho in hottie

   What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE

   God made men. But sandwiches weren't going to make themselves. So God made women.

   Explaining to a woman why she's wrong is the most difficult thing in the world.

   We naturally want a girl in our lives. Girls only like ass-holes. Guys become ass-holes to adjust. It's natural. Don't blame us.

   The best friendships are built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, and inappropriateness.

   Pawn Stars Man: Hey can I have change for a dollar? Rick: The best I can do is 25 cents.

   When I end a sentence with "Just Sayin" what I really mean to say is "Fu%k off, I'm right." ...just sayin.

   I was kicked out of the Nintendo thoughts group for my idea about a Wii game for disabled people. Apparently Wii-Tards isn't a great name.

   I want a girl I'm proud enough of to show off to my family and friends

   Why are girls with boyfriends always way more flirty than girls who are single?

   The real reason women live longer than men is because they don't have to live with women.