Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every pizza can be a personal pizza if you eat the whole thing

   My favorite part of the day is when theres food

   Hakuna Ma'vodka -No memories

   All I need right now is a hug, and five hundred thousand dollars in cash

   People who bite icecream scare the hell out of me

   Can't believe it's been a whole year since the world ended in 2012

   I have no idea what a Hollaback girl is, but it's the only reason I know how to spell banana

   Pizza doesn't ask silly questions... Pizza understands

   I've been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea what the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button is for

   My imaginary friends can beat your real friends ....

   Monopoly has come out with a new version of its board game to commemorate President Obama.....all the properties have half their value and the money has been replaced with foodstamps

   I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.

   I just got a copy of Santa's naughty list and it is almost identical to my frields list.

   I'm the man from Nantucket.

   Iran sends monkey into space, the UN needs to check that, they might be building a zoo up there!

   People who say marriage is only between a man and a woman underestimate my love for pizza.

   Sometimes I wonder if the weird guy I work with thinks I am the weird guy.

   Snow and cold weather does NOT mean there is no Climate Change. How stupid can people be

   Parents, I need some advice please. What's the right age to explain to children that FOX news isn't real? Thanks

   Kanye West?......I've never heard of her!