Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I miss being able to slam my phone shut when I hang up on somebody. Violently pressing "end call" just doesn't do it for me

   The trick is to not let people know how really weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

   that annoying moment when you close the wrong tab

   A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

   Oh, your in a relationship now? No more ‘LIKES’ for you!

   That moment when you have so many things to do and decided to take a nap instead

   2014 is so close I can almost taste the lips I will not be kissing on New Year's Eve

   Everyone knows the way to a girl's heart on facebook is to like every picture and wall post she makes.

   Life is all about deciding how much crazy you can live with.

   My high-school was a magnet school. All the girls were repelled by me.

   I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!

   If Santa's helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?

   Hopefully Kim Jong Un will mistake Dennis Rodman for his other uncle

   Men have nuts and women are nuts. God is so silly...

   Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading.

   Ants kill around 30 people a year......Marijuana is safer than ants.

   The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!

   When one door closes another one opens. Or you could jut re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.

   I was in the middle of a selfie and my mother walked in, now all she can say is "don't worry son everyone's doing that."

   Explosion at Boston Marathon blame the bomber. Shooting at school blame the gun?? Idiocracy?