Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Fingers crossed that this is the end of that terrible show

   The Scariest Horror Movies of All Time 1. The Exorcist 2. Psycho 3. The View on ABC

   Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad

   Wal-Mart, Cabela's & Bass Pro shops are droppiung the Duck Dynasty merchandise, adios hillbillies

   I think my neighbors are starting to get somewhat jaded.. No one even questioned me making snow angels. Tomorrow I'm doing it in a clown suit while playing the bag pipes.

   Well, I guess the good news is that it's going to be a helluva lot easier to stop watching Duck Dynasty than it was to stop eating at Chick-Fil-A

   In a speech today President Obama called for a new era of bipartisan cooperation. He said this because Obama likes to start off a speech with a joke.”

   ˝You cant fire Duck Dynasty Guy - he has freedom of speech!˝ are the same noobs who wanted the Guns & Ammo editor fired for his pro-gun control column column

   my phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket

   The voices in my head are telling me things even I wouldn't post.

   Oh god please let next year be a better year and let it bring hopefully an end to Obama's drone strikes killing innocent people.

   The Duck Dynasty guys need to to look in their beards, I'm sure there's a few ducks in them...

   Craziest superstition I ever heard - whatever you doing when the New Years come, that's gonna what you do for the rest of the year! So does anyone wanna go drinking with me on New Years?

   Daughter: Momma, can a woman get pregnant from an@l s3x? Mother: Sure Honey. Where do you think politicians come from?

   How long does it take for Auburn to beat Alabama? 1 second

   Does anyone have like ten thousand dollars they don't want

   I cant wait till the "Holiday season" at work is over so I can find a new reason not to do anything around the house

   There was a time when the word "Gay" meant happy and the rainbow was a meteorological phenomenom, now both represents boy who likes another boy.........smh

   Don’t flatter yourself. I'm not attracted to you, this vodka I am drinking is.

   Dear coffee, I want you inside of me