Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have this great midnight snack it's called, what do I think my roommate won't notice if I eat the edges off of

   Ass so fat it swims with a shirt on.

   My phone acts like it's been violated by my computer. Everytime I plug it in it asks me if i'm sure I can trust the computer. Drama queen.

   I am not above speaking in tongues and praising Lucifer to make the neighbors go away.

   Where is the Love? Discrimination and Homophobia, do you know how many of our children committed suicide because of this? What if it was your child? Born This Way

   Everyone is entitled to their own opinion even if it is right.

   Starting a Book Club. First rule of Book Club: read Fight Club.

   no more ducks, Deens, gators, survivalist-preppers, Amish Mafia, snake handlers, moonshiners & hillbillie loggers for 2014. C'mon tv channels, you're better than that, stop with the stupid crap

   I forget my password so often I made it incorrect that way when I'm wrong the computer reminds me...

   Cooking with cheese is so awesome, even when it's the only ingredient the recipe calls for.

   Duck Tales should be the replacement for Duck Dynasty-Huey, Dewy, and Louie only had one McQuack!

   Fingers crossed that this is the end of that terrible show

   The Scariest Horror Movies of All Time 1. The Exorcist 2. Psycho 3. The View on ABC

   Favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell's Kitchen 3. Breaking bad

   Wal-Mart, Cabela's & Bass Pro shops are droppiung the Duck Dynasty merchandise, adios hillbillies

   I think my neighbors are starting to get somewhat jaded.. No one even questioned me making snow angels. Tomorrow I'm doing it in a clown suit while playing the bag pipes.

   Well, I guess the good news is that it's going to be a helluva lot easier to stop watching Duck Dynasty than it was to stop eating at Chick-Fil-A

   In a speech today President Obama called for a new era of bipartisan cooperation. He said this because Obama likes to start off a speech with a joke.”

   ˝You cant fire Duck Dynasty Guy - he has freedom of speech!˝ are the same noobs who wanted the Guns & Ammo editor fired for his pro-gun control column column

   my phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket