Funny Status Messages

   "Thesaurus", Was the first dinosaur to get murdered... Ugh, No one likes a know it all.

   My girlfriend came out of the shower and said "I shaved down there, you know what that means?" I said, "You're donating to Locks of Love?"

   I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.

   Finally shaved my legs...donated it to Locks of Love

   because of the Polar Vortex.... I've been in a purely textual relationship

   Scientists have discovered that there is intelligent DNA in some women. Unfortunately, 95% of them spit it out.

   Hey Canada, when you're griping about how hot it is the one day it hits 70, remember, in the south we call that winter.

   It's so darn cold outside I saw a redneck'a tooth chattering!

   To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.

   Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody's pants.

   Necrophilia, lay back and crack open a cold one.

   Highway slumber party tonight in Atlanta, free urinal and feces bucket..

   Atlanta gets 2ins of snow and the city is parlized, in Canada we call 2in of snow summer.

   my gf broke up with me yesterday, her husband insisted.

   We'll take Justin Bieber... Roman Catholic Church Priest Diocese.

   We don't want Justin Bieber either...... Canada!

   Charlie Sheen and Justin Bieber BFF'S

   Love fades with time, shape, weight, looks and bank balance.

   You're not totally useless, you can be used as a bad example for frightening others.

   Have you ever walked into a room after a gay 0rgy? That's how your breath smells in the morning